Paul, Lee and 'Hachi!
by Sailor Tawna-mi
Summary: UPDATED! Yep, another chap. up! Sorry it took so long...it involves more stuff...O.o
1. The Great Swimming Pool Scam

Paul, Lee, and 'Hachi: Ed, Edd, n Eddy, Tekken style  
  
The cast:  
  
Ed-Paul Phoenix Edd-Lee Chaolan Eddy-Heihachi Mishima Sarah-Nina Williams Jimmy-Kuma Kevin-Hwoarang Rolf-Marshall Law Jonny 2x4-Yoshimitsu (don't ask) Nazz-Christie Montiero  
  
Who I'm having as the Kanker sisters is a secret, I'm revealing them later... ^v^ anyways, on to the story!  
  
Da STOREE!  
  
Heihachi: Hey, Paul! You spelled it wrong!  
  
Paul: Oops.  
  
Heihachi: What am I going to do with you!?  
  
( The story starts in a nice, sunny, suburban area... Wait a minute! I thought we were going to start at the Mishima Zaibatsu!)  
  
Heihachi: Well, I got really tired of Kazuya picking on me and crap, so I decided to take my other son, Lee, and move to the suburbs where I can relax and pick on the "lower class" if you know what I mean (snicker). Oh, and if you're wondering why Paul is here, it's because he's a stowaway.  
  
Paul: Super dooper!  
  
Lee: Hmm...so Heihachi, if you're already filthy rich, why are you going to pick on "the lower class" for money?  
  
Heihachi: Well...I...uh...  
  
Lee: (shocked) Don't tell me you...  
  
Heihachi: (interrupting) ALL RIGHT ALREADY! THEY GET THE POINT! Anywa y, I have an idea that will be a sure cash cow!  
  
Lee: Oh, please! As if any of your ideas will ever work...  
  
Heihachi: Of course it will! We just need a few things, that's all.  
  
Paul: And potato salad!  
  
Lee: Paul, what would potato salad have to do with anything in this story?  
  
Paul: Um...  
  
Lee: I thought so.  
  
( And now, an important message from a random person)  
  
Spongebob: *stoned* I WANT CRABBY Patties!  
  
Gary: meow.  
  
(Ok, back to the story...)  
  
Heihachi: I GOT IT! (light bulb blacks out) Huh? ( flicks the light bulb and it lights up again) You know how hot it is around here, and most of the time, people complain here because they don't get cool around here and it's incredibly BORING here, right?  
  
Lee: Well, I suppose that is true, "father".  
  
Heihachi: Well, as soon as we build "Heihachi's Supa-Fly Mondo-Cool Ultra Economy-Style Deluxe Swimming Pool", we will be able to give everyone in this area what they wanted...  
  
Lee: (amazed) You're turning over a new leaf!? How wonderful!  
  
Heihachi: ...for a small nominal fee, of course. *grin*  
  
Lee: (not amused) Nope, I guess not... (starts looking at the blueprints)  
  
Paul: Ooh! Ooh! Can we get a giant floatie shaped like a pizza and I can lay on it and pretend I'm going to planet Bologna and meet king Oscar Mayer?  
  
Heihachi: (dumbfounded by what Paul said) Ummm.Did you put your head in the microwave again?  
  
Paul: (just standing there)...  
  
Heihachi: Let's hurry up with my swimming pool sc- I mean swimming pool!  
  
( So the "Terrible Trio" worked on the construction of Heihachi's soon-to- be "Hot Spot". Despite the few scrapes and bruises, and some of Paul's idiotic stunts, Paul, Lee, and Heihachi Mishima himself, all managed to get the job done...sort of.)  
  
( 11:00 PM)  
  
Heihachi: Whew! We finally got the job done! ( looks up at his "greatest creation", a ten-foot tall swimming pool made from wood and traffic signs, and on the top, a cement platform bordering around the surface.)  
  
Lee: And with a few moments to spare for filling up the pool!  
  
Paul: I can help!  
  
Nina: PAAAAUUUULLL!!!!!!!!  
  
Paul: Uh oh...  
  
Nina: ( ticked off) Paul, where have you been? You almost had me worried! We're supposed to be in bed by this time! ( grabs Paul by the ear and leads him back to her house)  
  
Paul: Well, ouch! I gotta-Ouch!- be going now...Ouch! Nina, please, not so hard!  
  
Heihachi: Oh well, we don't need Paul to fill up the pool anyway! (places hose through the hole at the bottom of the "pool")  
  
Lee: Are you sure you're up to this complicated task? Running a pool-side resort will be a really hectic job. You'll need refreshments, have to clean the...  
  
Heihachi: (puts his arm over Lee's shoulder) Have I ever steered you wrong?  
  
Lee: Well...yes.  
  
Heihachi: Ah, forget about it. Tomorrow, people will come all over the block just to cool down here! Just you wait, we are gonna be FAMOUS!!!  
  
Lee: *yawn* Let's just call it a night and we can gloat about it tomorrow, okay?  
  
Heihachi: Oh, all right. ( The next day...)  
  
Nina: What on earth is that!?  
  
Kuma: It must have fallen from the loop of dreams! Nina, help! (hugs Nina, shivering)  
  
Nina: ( pets Kuma on the head) Don't worry Kuma, it will be okay!  
  
Law: I have seen this many times before! Back in my old country, we used to find many of these looming over us like some giant ham sandwich...  
  
Hwoarang: I know these freaks are up to something...  
  
(Yoshimitsu pops up unexpectedly)  
  
Yoshimitsu: Howdy, Howdy, HOWDY!! Blade and I were just heading up for a nice walk around the park! (and yes, Yoshimitsu is acting OOC) So watch'a doin'?  
  
Hwoarang: (Panting) Yoshi...don't scare me like that...  
  
Christie: Hi guys! Hey, check out the new swimming pool!!!  
  
Hwoarang: I don't know, it must be made by the Scam-da-lini Bros., you don't know what they might be doing next...  
  
Christie: Come on, it's just a place to cool ourselves, right? Who knows? It might be fun!  
  
( So they walk up to the bouncer, who is actually Paul who is dressed in a black suit with sunglasses and wearing a gold chain. He also has his hair down, and he is riding on a pogo stick (guess he took the word "bouncer" too literally))  
  
Paul: (Having a lot of fun) Ha ha ha ha, up and down, up and down, a ha ha ha.  
  
( Everyone looks at Paul strangely)  
  
Paul: ( finally came to his senses) Ummm... ( tosses the pogo stick aside) Welcome to Heihachi's Supa-Fly Mondo-Cool Ultra Economy-Style Deluxe Weenie Roast!!  
  
Heihachi: ( who happens to be spaeking through Paul's hearing ear piece thingy) It's Swimming Pool, The Supa-Fly Mondo-Cool Ultra Economy-Style Deluxe Swimming Pool! Get it right, you knuckle head!  
  
Paul: Oh yeah...Swimming Pool! Do you have repercussions?  
  
Heihachi: It's reservations, you pea brain!  
  
Paul: What?  
  
Heihachi: Never mind...just go to the fees.....  
  
Paul: Well anyway, one visit costs $10.00. a member ship costs $50.  
  
Christie: Well, I'm in! ( hands Paul $50)  
  
Hwoarang: Are you sure you know what you're doing?  
  
Christie: Of course! Besides this may be a one time chance to cool ourselves!  
  
Hwoarang: I guess you're right... ( turns to Paul and gives him $10) ...you better not do something sneaky...  
  
Law: I would like to partake of of your facilities! ( hands Paul a $50)  
  
Yoshimitsu: ( talking to his katana) Whad'ya mean you spent your money on metal polish...(glares at it) Oh, all right, but next time you better pinch your pennies, mister...( hands Paul a $20)  
  
Nina: This better be good...( hands Paul a $20)  
  
Kuma: Fancy!  
  
Paul: Now, if you will follow me, we will go up to the swimming pool!  
  
( Towelie pops in from nowhere)  
  
Towelie: Don't forget to bring a towel.  
  
Hwoarang: I've seen a lot of things lately, but never like THIS.  
  
Towelie: I'm Towelie, and whenever you go swimming and get wet, you should always bring something to dry with. That's why Towelie says you should always bring a towel, you never know when it might come in handy.  
  
( Everyone looks at Towelie strangely)  
  
Towelie: ...you wanna get high?  
  
Hwoarang: Ummm...no.  
  
( at the top)  
  
Lee: ( Who's dressed up as a fancy cocktail waiter) Freshly prepared beverages, only from $1.99 to $7.50, um...anyone? (Everyone unnoticeably throws their clothes on Lee) Uh...well, this is unexpected...  
  
( Everyone is in their swimsuits,(except Kuma obviously,and Yoshimitsu still has his mask on, maybe his armor too? You decide for yourselves...) and they dive into the pool)  
  
Nina: This...is the life. We finally get to cool ourselves down.  
  
Kuma: Watch me swim!!!  
  
( Then all of a sudden, the lights dim down...)  
  
Nina: Hey! What's going on?  
  
Hwoarang: I have a bad feeling about this...  
  
( Paul starts the drum roll and Lee starts to make an announcement)  
  
Lee: *sigh* ( to himself) I always feared it would come to this ...(takes the microphone, takes a deep breath then starts to speak) AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE MISHIMA ZAIBATSU, AND THE OWNER OF THIS RESIDENTIAL AREA, *sigh* THE GREATEST MAN EVER TO CREATE THE MOST ELABORATE OF PLANS, I BRING TO YOU THE KING OF IRON FIST TOURNAMENT, YOURS AND MINE...HEIHACHI MISHIMA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The drum roll stops,the spotlights move to a doohickey that's similar to Dexter's Inflate-o-Lab, and from the door steps out Heihachi, dressed in a very fancy bathrobe, a couple of gold chains, sandals and a pair of sunglasses. Disco music starts playing, too.)  
  
Heihachi: HELLO EVERYBODY!!!! Welcome to my Supa-Fly, Mondo-Cool, Ultra Economy-Style Deluxe Swimming Pool!!! Consider yourselves lucky, because this is as "Da Bomb" as it gets!!! Now Are you ready to PARTAY!?  
  
Lee: -_-' I knew it...  
  
Paul: I am!!!  
  
Nina and Kuma: O_O  
  
Hwoarang: O_O Weird...  
  
Law: This reminds me of an old fable I once knew. It all started by...  
  
Yoshimitsu: Are you kidding? Blade and I just love to party!!!!  
  
( Heihachi rips off his bathrobe, revealing himself to be in his...If you guessed " diaper thong-thingy" or something like that, you're right!)  
  
Heihachi: WOO-HOO!!!! ( cannonballs into the pool)  
  
Lee: Heihachi, don't do-( gets wet from Heihachi's splash) that...  
  
Paul: But cannonballs are fun, Lee!!!  
  
Lee: Yes,( notices the pool starting to shake) but at this rate, the pool's durability will diminish, causing it to eventually collapse!  
  
Heihachi: It ain't gonna collapse, it's too sturdy for that! ( starts patting the pool-side and then...)  
  
KA-BLAM!!!!!!!  
  
( The pool exploded, with bits of cement and wood flying apart, and everyone was swept away in a tidal wave)  
  
(On the paved basket ball court, we see our three "protagonists" (or "antagonists", depending on your choice) washed up like they were from a typhoon)  
  
Heihachi: (Who has his face on the pavement) What just happened? (gets up)  
  
Lee: ( nearing concsiousness, slowly opens his eyes and tries to stand ) Ur...It seems that the pool... was over its capacity, and the pressure caused it to explode.  
  
Paul: ( on his back, smiling and laughing like an idiot) Ha ha ha, That was fun, let's do it again!!!  
  
Hwoarang: ( who's really peeved) You dorks are in serious trouble... ( starts approaching the three scammers and the others join in)  
  
Heihachi: Let's get outta here!!!!  
  
( So they decide to take a dash through the thick forest ahead of them) Nina: What!? Just wait 'til I get my hands on those... ( is about to go in, but Kuma stops her from proceeding any further)  
  
Kuma: Nina, don't go in there! There's a lot of strange happenings going on in that forest!  
  
Hwoarang: Yeah, not to mention the three creepy ladies that live there, although one isn't exactly a lady..  
  
Nina: Grr...  
  
Kuma: Let's just go home and have some honeysuckle tea...  
  
( in the woods...)  
  
Heihachi: Let's hide in that spooky mansion!  
  
Lee: (a little creeped out) Are you sure? It looks pretty scary...  
  
Heihachi: Do you want to get beat up?  
  
Paul: Let's go to Taco World!!!  
  
Heihachi: Hey, Lumpy's right, let's get out and go to a restaurant.  
  
( But as they were about to leave the woods, they were approached by three women, well... two women and a panda)  
  
Anna: Well, look what we have here!  
  
Panda: We found us some men!!!  
  
Unknown: Aren't they dreamy?  
  
( Paul, Lee, and Heihachi all scream and scramble out of the forest and back into Heihachi's summer house...)  
  
(Under Heihachi's bed...O_O we see a lot of food, magazines and soda cans, and the three are using this as a temporary hideaway)  
  
Lee: Of all the days, why did this be the day that we hide under your bed?  
  
Heihachi: Relax, as soon as the heat gets off us, we'll get out from under my bed, and we'll be able to go back to our money making business!  
  
Lee: You should have brought your money with you on the trip here, so we didn't have to...  
  
Paul: ( goes under the bed and stands up, causing it to balance on his head) I am Taco Ed!! Let me eat your burritos!!  
  
Heihachi: Hey Paul! You're supposed to stand guard!  
  
Paul: Oh, can I have a Bebop Cola please?  
  
(Heihachi throw a can of Bebop Cola on Paul's face knocking him out and the bed lands on top of Heihachi and Lee)  
  
Heihachi and Lee: OOWW!!  
  
Lee: This is... going to be a long day...  
  
Heihachi: Ohhh...my aching head...  
  
Scam analysis:...Failed  
  
The End, or is it?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story.  
  
Author's note: This is sort of like a parody of Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, though not exactly a parody, since I made up the storyline though...  
  
You like this fic? If you do, please review, and if you want, I might put in a second chapter!  
  
Please R&R!! 


	2. Uh, no comment for this

Paul, Lee, and 'Hachi!  
  
Part 2!  
  
Paul: Part two!? I didn't know there was gonna be a part two!!!!  
  
Heihachi: Well, since we were admired by a couple of fans, I guess the author had to put in a new one!!!  
  
Lee: Can we get on with the story already?  
  
Heihachi: Oh, all right already! Jeez, Lee, don't get a gray hair...heh, I guess it's too late, seeing that he already has gray hair...he he...  
  
Lee: My hair is NOT gray. It is platinum. Or silver, which ever one you prefer...  
  
DA STOREY!!!  
  
Heihachi: Hey, peanut brain!!! You spelled it wrong again!!!  
  
Paul: Oops... I'm sorry, Mr. Heihachi, I'm sure it will never happen again.  
  
Heihachi: It better not happen again...  
  
( This story starts in Heihachi's backyard, where Lee and Heihachi are discussing their new scam, and Paul, is ..um...making a fool of himself.)  
  
Paul: (who's wearing oven mitts, a pair of underwear outside his pants, a pair of galoshes, and a Christmas stocking on his head) I am SANTA'S HELPER!!!!! I WILL FILL YOUR STOCKINGS, FOR IT IS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!  
  
Heihachi: (turns over to Paul) IT'S JULY, YOU STOOGE!!! HOW CAN IT BE CHRISTMAS, IF IT'S IN JULY!!!!??? ( turns back to Lee) I'm sorry, what were you saying before I was rudely interrupted?  
  
Lee: I know a way we can get your money, hassle-free, no charge!  
  
Heihachi: (interested) Really? How?  
  
Lee: You know that ATM bankteller machine that's nearby here? We can use your Special card, and we can make a transaction, and add it to our current balance here!  
  
Heihachi: Great idea, but there's this one tiny problem...THIS WHOLE DANG TOWN ONLY TAKES CASH, NO CREDIT OR IOU'S OR WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!  
  
Lee: Ah... but this card is a very rare type of credit card that can give the money to us, in the pure form of cash, instantly!!!!  
  
Heihachi: Then, what are we waiting for? Let's go!!!!  
  
(but as he was about to do that, it was being carried away by a random elephant)  
  
Heihachi: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ( slams against the window ( which was very sturdy Plexiglass, thank you very much...)) I was so close!! ( starts to have anime-style waterfall tears running down his face while having his face against the window)  
  
Lee: Take it easy...there's always an explanation for this.  
  
Paul: It is simple...the machine was being kidnapped by space elephants on their way to planet Pachyderm, where their leader is none other than Captain Planet, who wants to use the machine to clone evil versions of Spongebob Squarepants!!!!  
  
( Heihachi and Lee both look at Paul strangely)  
  
Paul: Simple!  
  
Heihachi: You're simple!!! Oh, well, back to the drawing board...now what kind of scam to use this time...hmmm... I got it!!! We can make up a jungle safari, and the tourists can take pictures of wild animals, plants and such!!!! And we can sell souvenirs, too!!! Let us get our safari gear!  
  
( So the three enter the closet after a few seconds they come out ...with weird costumes. Paul is dressed in a chicken costume, Lee is dressed like Venom ( the one from Guilty Gear, complete with the pool cue) and Heihachi is dressed up like a pimp)  
  
Heihachi: Whoops, heh heh heh, I should have worn this costume later on...  
  
Paul: I'm a chicken bwawk, bwawk, BU-CUCK!!! (starts making chicken noises, which causes Lee to hit him upside the head with his pool cue)  
  
*WHACK!*  
  
Paul: Owch!!  
  
Lee: Ur... How about we change again, I feel sort of violated wearing this...  
  
( So they go in the closet again, and now they have their safari gear on)  
  
Heihachi: To the woods!!!  
  
Lee: Paul, are you okay? I'm sorry I hit you, it was just an annoyance reflex.  
  
Paul: It's okay, Nina does this to me all the time when I'm not listening!  
  
( at the woods Oo...)  
  
Lee: Heihachi, are you sure about this? This has got to be the most riskiest place to get these so-called "exhibits".  
  
Heihachi: Relax, We just need to get a couple of things, then we head for home, easy?  
  
Paul: (nervous) Let me remind you that...  
  
Heihachi: (with his teeth clenched) I said, we are going to set up the exhibits, then we can go HOME!! Okay? ( hands Paul a shovel) NOW START DIGGING!!!!  
  
Paul: (happy) Okay, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole..  
  
( then, a rustling is heard in the nearby bushes)  
  
Lee: (alerted) What was that?  
  
Heihachi: It's just a couple of birds, don't mind that. (now has a bad memory of them pop in his head) On second thought, I hate birds. Sic'em, Paul!  
  
Paul: Ahoy! (salutes, then as he approaches the bush a few couple steps, he hears giggling from it) AAAHHH!!!!  
  
Heihachi: ( a little nervous) I guess they aren't birds..  
  
Lee: Might I suggest we leave before it gets any worse?  
  
Heihachi: No, because this will be the greatest plan ever!!  
  
Paul: (runs to Heihachi) I'm not in my happy place anymore!  
  
( Then the giggling and the rustling gets a little louder)  
  
Lee: They're getting closer!  
  
Heihachi: Okay, now we can run!  
  
( So they start running, but the eerie noises keep following)  
  
(five minutes later..)  
  
Lee: (running) I don't know... *pant, pant* how much...we can...*pant* keep up...  
  
Heihachi: (also running) We all know... *pant* we can ditch'em...*pant pant* if we try hard enough....  
  
Paul: (ditto) This is fun!!! Ha ha ha ha ha..  
  
( and then..they trip on a huge tree root sending them tumbling down...)  
  
Paul: Down where?  
  
Heihachi: Don't ask, Paul.  
  
( a very steep hill!)  
  
Heihachi: Why'd ya ask, stupid?  
  
Heihachi and Lee: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Paul: A ha ha ha ha...( he's just laughing as he tumbles down)  
  
(as they tumble down..)  
  
*KLANG!!!!!!*  
  
( They get knocked unconscious from the huge metal pipe at the bottom that who knows what it was for.)  
  
( half an hour later...)  
  
( The three slowly wake and try to figure out what happened)  
  
Heihachi: ( rubbing his head) Ohhhh...my aching head...  
  
Lee: ( also rubbing his head)That was quite a trip... where are we anyway?  
  
Paul: I'm hungry.  
  
Heihachi: You're always hungry, dip stick...  
  
( Then they see Anna, Panda and Unknown looking at them.)  
  
Anna: It's about time you woke up!  
  
All three guys: ???  
  
Unknown: Hope you like our new bathrobes!  
  
( Paul, Lee, and Heihachi look at their fancy bathrobes they are wearing now)  
  
Anna: You sure were dirty hanging out in that mud puddle!  
  
Heihachi: ( a little dazed) Who are you all? (falls back)  
  
Anna: Isn't it obvious?  
  
Heihachi: (gets up) No, I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!  
  
Anna: Go ahead, yell, no one will hear you... ;)  
  
Panda: I'm Panda! (giggles)  
  
Unknown: ( blows a bubble gum bubble) My name is Unknown.  
  
Anna: And I'm Anna Williams! We're the Evergreen Sisters! We live in this old mansion together!  
  
Paul: How come you're not related?  
  
Lee: Paul!  
  
Panda: Who said we were related?  
  
Unknown: It's like a friendship sorority-type thing, no big.  
  
Anna: I guess you boys are hungry after that expedition! Don't worry, we're gonna make some home cookin' for ya! ( the three "sisters" leave the room)  
  
Paul: I have a stomach ache, guys..I wanna go home.  
  
Heihachi: Relax, lumpy, it's not like they're going to torture us.  
  
Lee: Father's right, Paul. Maybe they aren't as creepy once we get to know them.  
  
Heihachi: Listen, all we have to do is accept their hospitality, then we can split! Besides, they have free food!  
  
Paul: FOOD!? (starts drooling)  
  
Lee: (looks a little disgusted at Paul's expression) Maybe we should start by not drooling on the floor, okay?  
  
(Meanwhile at the kitchen)  
  
Panda: Um, Anna, we don't know how to cook!  
  
Unknown: Yeah, besides where are we going to find a restaurant that's authentic enough to be considered "home cooking"?  
  
Anna: I have just the person to call. ( picks up one of the fancy phones and dials the number for Marshall China)  
  
( Marshall China)  
  
Law: What have I told you to cool the steamed dumplings first? ( hears the phone ring) Wait right here, (picks up the phone) Hello, welcome to Marshall China, how can I help you?  
  
Anna: Well we would like some...  
  
( back at the Guest Room)  
  
Paul: Ooh... ( looks at the trophy collection, also here for no reason)  
  
Lee: Hmmm...  
  
( Then Lee notices a stack of three fancy suits with a note on top. He takes the note and reads it)  
  
Lee: What's this...  
  
Dear guys,  
  
We got you some new clothes. Hope you like'em!  
  
Love the Evergreen Sisters  
  
Lee: Hmm... I guess we got some new clothes. Maybe we should try them on so we won't hurt their feelings.  
  
Paul: ( has a trophy cup on his head) Look at me! I am Emperor Mango Sushiman, deliverer of truth, justice, and really great pizza!  
  
Heihachi: I don' wanna!  
  
Lee: Why not?  
  
Heihachi: What if it's tacky?  
  
Lee: These ladies must have worked all day creating them! You don't want them to have a hissy fit, do you?  
  
Heihachi: All right, all right! Don't have a cow, man!  
  
Paul: Yo ho ho and a bottle of bum!  
  
Lee: You too, Paul.  
  
Paul: Aw, man...I wanted to get naked.  
  
Lee and Heihachi: (staring at Paul weirdly) O_O...  
  
( so they try the suits on, and they didn't look so bad in them)  
  
(Inside Paul's head...o_o)  
  
( We see giant lawn chairs, fire hydrants, rubber duckies and toilets all over the place , with Paul on top of a pile of boxes of pizza)  
  
Paul: I am King of the World!!! ( rides on top of a pizza box and slides all the way down the pizza pile into a pond full of gasoline, and then...)  
  
*BOOM!*  
  
Heihachi: Hey Paul, Paul!!  
  
Paul: (comes to his senses) Wha, who's there? Hi there, Mr. Heihachi! You look smashing today!  
  
Heihachi: Yeah yeah, enough of the compliments, I'm hungry!  
  
Paul: Hungry? Where are we?  
  
Lee: Paul, have you been zoning out again? We're in the living room.  
  
Paul: Of what?  
  
Heihachi: (takes a deep breath) The old mansion, you lug nut.  
  
Paul: Ok. ( sits there for a couple of seconds)...MANSION!? AAAHHHH!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!!  
  
( Heihachi and Lee both grab on to Paul)  
  
Lee: Paul!! It's okay!! They're not going to do anything to us, okay!?  
  
Heihachi: Yeah, so quit being a maniac and sit your butt down and stop whining!!!  
  
Paul: AAAAAAHHH!!! GET'EM OFFA ME!!!! GET IT OFF!!!! SPIDERS!!!!!! SPIDERS, SPIDERS...  
  
Lee: Spiders? What on Earth are you talking about?  
  
( As Heihachi and Lee hold on to Paul, who is now screaming "spiders!" for no reason at all, a very enticing aroma comes from the next room, which is the dining room)  
  
Heihachi: What's that smell?  
  
Lee: It smells like...  
  
Paul: FOOD!!! ( Paul rushes in to the dining room)  
  
Lee: Hey, wait up! ( he and Heihachi follow Paul)  
  
(In the dining room...the three look and on the huge table, they see a large banquet that's fit for a Mishima...and Paul starts drooling, again...)  
  
Lee: (looks over at Paul) Um...Paul, what have I told you about that?  
  
Paul: (still drooling)  
  
Lee: You shouldn't be doing that here...  
  
Heihachi: Ah, who cares, Let's eat!  
  
Paul: (banging on the table)  
  
Yo, we be dancin' in the street,  
  
'cuz we want somethin' to eat! (takes a bite out of a drumstick)  
  
Lee and Heihachi: O_O'...  
  
Paul: So Lee creates fireworks, and he wants his cut,  
  
While Mr. Heihachi sticks them up my... (Heihachi stuffs Paul's mouth with a big tuna roll)  
  
Heihachi: (with his teeth clenched) Will you shut up!?  
  
Lee: Paul, that was pretty creative of you to freestyle, but father's right. I don't think we should talk about things like that at the table. ( politely goes back to eating)  
  
Heihachi: ( holds Paul's head) You got that, stumpy?  
  
Paul: ( he couldn't talk with the tuna roll, so he nods) Mm hmmm!  
  
Heihachi: Good. (lets go, causing Paul to fall face first into the wonton soup)  
  
(we see Kazuya arrive on stage, wearing his purple suit, along with a matching top hat, and carrying a magic wand)  
  
Kazuya: Greetings, fellow viewers!! It is I, Kazuya Mishima, the greatest kick-@$$ man ever to walk the face of this Earth, here to entertain you, with my acts of MAGIC!!! For my first act, I will need a volunteer!!!  
  
(with that, Kazuya instantly poofs Yoshimitsu to the stage)  
  
Kazuya: So, what do you like to do for fun?  
  
Yoshimitsu: ...  
  
Kazuya: You know, like, hobbies, sports, any "dirty" habits you like to do...?  
  
Yoshi:...(thinks about it for a couple of seconds)...Blade and I like to make our own donuts!!  
  
Kazuya: Who's Blade?  
  
(Yoshi points to his katana)  
  
Kazuya: (huge sweatdrop on his head) Urr... wow, that's really nice... Well, what do you have for us?  
  
Yoshi: Well, Blade and I found some really great stuff! ( he empties out his pockets, which has some pencils, a couple of shurikens, a basketball, a go-kart, a boombox, the S.S. Ed (which is a ship), and other random items.)  
  
Kazuya: Wow...  
  
Yoshi: Oh, I found this, too!! (pulls Heihachi's wallet from his pocket)  
  
Kazuya: Wel, let's get started! For this act, folks, I will make all this money disappear!!!  
  
(Then, Heihachi pops up from out of nowhere)  
  
Heihachi: Oh, no you don't! Gimme back my money!!!!  
  
Kazuya: Make me.  
  
Heihachi: Besides, how can you make it disappear?  
  
Kazuya: By blowing it on pointless merchandise, that's how! (devious grin across his face)  
  
Heihachi: I'm warning you! (ticked off)  
  
(Kazuya walks over to a nearby stand, called Cartman's Spicy Cookin')  
  
Heihachi: Don't make me come over there!  
  
Kazuya: Oh yes, I'd like one of your hot and spicy Kenny's Inferno, a couple of nachos, and a blue raspberry Slurpee!  
  
Heihachi: (now all steamed up): THAT'S IT!!!!! (Tries frantically to go through the hole, but it's too tight. So a few minutes later, he gets out, but it's too late.)  
  
Kazuya: See?  
  
Heihachi: Why you little..(is about to strangle Kazuya, but....)  
  
Kazuya: *BURRRRP!!!* (he burps out fire at Heihachi's face, making it black) Ooh, excuse me, dad.  
  
Heihachi: Why..why does it always happen to me?  
  
Paul: We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.  
  
(back at the mansion in the living room)  
  
Heihachi: (angry) Paul, we're leaving!!!  
  
Paul: Gravy!  
  
Heihachi: Get Lee and tell him that we're blowin' this joint, A.S.A.P!  
  
Paul: Ok. Oh, Lee!! Where are you?  
  
(Paul looks around for him in the dining room...)  
  
Paul: Hello?  
  
( In the bedroom...)  
  
Paul: (looking under the bed) Are you down there?  
  
(and in the bathroom... O_O)  
  
Paul: (Has his head in the toilet) Come out, come out, wherever you are!!! I got cranberries!!!!  
  
(But to no avail. So, he goes back to the living room, and...he FINALLY finds Lee, who is sitting in an armchair, reading a novel, and is so relaxed that he's about to fall asleep, thanks to Unknown's TLC she's giving him( like a back massage, it isn't anything too explicit...))  
  
Paul: Hey, Lee! (starts to shake him a bit)  
  
Lee: (opens one eye) ...Hmm?  
  
Paul: We gotta go back to the Krusty Krab!!!  
  
Heihachi: Paul, you pea brain!!! We don't even work there!!! We gotta go HOME!!!  
  
Paul: Ok. (Picks up Lee and carries him over his shoulder)  
  
( and so, they run off home, with a tired Lee, and a ticked off Heihachi..)  
  
( back at Heihachi's residence...)  
  
Heihachi: (ticked off) Great... that's two scams, down the drain, and my allowance blown on snacks! What else could possibly happen!?  
  
Paul: Shh, he is sleeping.....(tucks Lee into bed) Good night, little angel...  
  
Heihachi: (grabs Paul by the collar) WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING!?  
  
Paul: Um...I forget.  
  
Heihachi: AAAGGHHHH!!! (grabs a lamp post)  
  
Paul: Uh oh...AAAAAAAHHH!!!!  
  
(So, Paul, starts running outside, and Heihachi is chasing after him with the lamp post, while Lee is peacefully sleeping throughout the ruckus)  
  
Scam analysis: ...Failed  
  
THE END  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this!!! Except for Cartman's Spicy Cookin' that is.  
  
Next time: The three take part-time jobs in Marshall China, hopefully they won't screw up...or will they!?  
  
Please R&R!!!! 


	3. Crisis at Marshall China!

Paul, Lee, n' Hachi!  
  
Part 3!!!  
  
Heihachi: Oh yeah, we're great!! We're hot!! We're cookin' in the spot!!!!  
  
Lee: That's really nice..but shouldn't we be starting on our story now?  
  
Heihachi: Just a few more minutes...  
  
Lee: -_-..  
  
TEH STORIEIEY!!!  
  
Heihachi: PAUL!!!!!!!  
  
Paul: What is it, Mr. Heihachi?  
  
Heihachi: You see THAT? (points to the misspelled title)  
  
Paul: Um.. Are we going to Super Mario World?  
  
Heihachi: No, you retard! You misspelled the title again! If this keeps up, you know what happens?  
  
Paul: We go to Super Mario World!!!  
  
Heihachi: NO!!! I AM GOING TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP ACTING LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT AND START DOING THINGS RIGHT!!!  
  
Paul: Does that mean we can't visit Bowser?  
  
Heihachi: (starts fuming) Grr..  
  
( So it starts out with Paul getting kicked out of his house, because Nina wants him to get a job)  
  
(at Heihachi's house)  
  
Paul: Hey, guys? Guys? (starts ringing the doorbell)  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
(Inside)  
  
Lee: Father, I think we should let him in.  
  
Heihachi: No way! Remember last time I answered the door?  
  
  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
Heihachi: (opens the door) Who is *SPLOOOSH!!* (a gallon of soda gets dumped on his head) Grrr... I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Lee: But it could be something really important!  
  
Heihachi: Yeah, like dumping chocolate on top of my head this time...not to mention adding a cherry on top...  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
*DING-DONG*  
  
(five minutes later...)  
  
Heihachi: (has fingers in his ears with his teeth clenched) If that idiot thinks he can fool me, he's got another thing coming..  
  
Lee: (who has earplugs in) I think we should anwser now!!!  
  
Heihachi: You go!!  
  
Lee: Fine. (walks up to the door and opens it)  
  
Paul: (waves glumly) Hi guys.  
  
Lee: What seems to be the problem?  
  
Paul: Nina kicked me out, I don't know why though, is it because of the mechanical parrot migration to my bedroom?  
  
Lee and Heihachi: (stare at Paul strangely) O_O...  
  
Paul: Any way, what should I do?  
  
Lee: Well, if I were in the same predicament as you are, I would start getting a part-time job.  
  
Heihachi: Well, that sounds good to me!  
  
Lee: I think you would do that too, seeing that you have a really huge bill you have to pay off...  
  
Heihachi: WHAAAATTT!!!??  
  
Lee: You heard me straight, father. You need that money to pay off that debt you had from ordering those CD's and magazines...  
  
Heihachi: ... All right, but YOU are going to help us, too! I have to earn this money to keep you under this roof, since you are my son, and I can't risk losing you!  
  
Lee: -_-' Touché...very well then, shall we head off?  
  
Paul: I know how to drive!!!  
  
(in Heihachi's limousine)  
  
Heihachi: And I got the limo and the place to go for quick cash! To Marshall China!!!  
  
Paul: Watch your step! (puts the pedal to the metal)  
  
Lee: Are you sure about Thi---(gets cut off by Paul's reckless driving)  
  
(Twenty minutes, twelve broken fire hydrants, three bathroom breaks, and sixteen fender-benders later...)  
  
(We see the limo in the parking lot near Marshall China, completely thrashed, thanks to Paul's "driving")  
  
Lee: (steps out of the limo) Paul, *cough cough* I think..*cough* we should let *WHEEZE* someone else...drive... (goes into a fit of coughs)  
  
Heihachi: Yeah, *cough hack* your driving... *cough cough* REEKS!!! Thanks a lot...  
  
Paul: You're welcome!! (thinks for a moment) Wait a minute, I think I had my license repossessed!!!  
  
Heihachi: *cough cough* NOW he tells me!  
  
(So the three walk to Marshall China, where they are greeted by a familiar person...)  
  
Law: Hello, M-boys! Welcome to Marshall China! You want a reservation, yes?  
  
Lee: Well, not exactly..you see..  
  
Heihachi: (interrupts Lee) We wanna get jobs to earn ourselves money, and we heard that your restaurant is the best one in town, so we decided to work for ya!!  
  
Law: Is this true, Down-on-your-luck M-boys?  
  
Paul: Yup!! And we brought sausage, see? (holds up some sausage links)  
  
Law: This is a very brave thing you do, desperate M-boys, for Law now welcomes you to the great MARSHALL CHINA!!!  
  
Heihachi: We're gonna be rich again...(snickers)  
  
Lee: (looks up hopefully) Do not worry, for we will help you serve the customers well!  
  
Paul: Ahh... (starts drooling)  
  
Law: Very good, now let's get to work!  
  
Paul: (still drooling)  
  
Lee: Um, Paul?  
  
(in the kitchen of Marshall China...)  
  
Law: For us to start, I shall assign the nick-names to prevent confusion, Half-Brain M-Boy, you are now Nincompoop.  
  
Paul: Nincompoop?  
  
Law: Yes, Nincompoop! You have a problem with that?  
  
Paul: No way, that name is cool!!!  
  
Law: Let's continue on, Silver-hair M-Boy, you now go by the name of Wishful Kit Fox, since you do have the will and desire to learn all about the Marshall China cuisines...  
  
Lee: Well, I always wanted to learn about different culinary delights here...  
  
Law: And you, Loud-mouth-old-pain-in-the-arse M-boy, you will go by the name of...Fart head!!!  
  
Heihachi: (P'Oed) Fart head? Fart head!? FART HEAD!? WHAT KIND OF STUPID, RETARDED, (bleep)ING NAME IS FART HEAD!!!!???  
  
Law: Work for Law, or no pay for Nincompoop and Fart head!!!  
  
Heihachi: Fine, (starts doing the dishes and grumbling)  
  
Law: First we shall learn the art of ... making sushi! (holds out a piece of sushi)  
  
Paul: Wow, it has my eyes..  
  
Heihachi: And your seaweed for a brain! XD  
  
Law: Now, pay attention! First we..  
  
(As Law carried on with the conversation of sushi, fried rice, and Peking duck, and the dangers of using toilet cleaner, Lee paid very close attention jotting down notes, Heihachi was taking a doze, and Paul, well..)  
  
Paul: (watching TV)  
  
TV: You are watching the Random Channel, where we put in different shows, cuz' we feel like it!!! Like this...  
  
( TV shows Marduk being hit on the head by a coconut)  
  
Paul: Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! That's funny!!!  
  
TV: If you act now, we'll send you this free TOILET PAPER!!! Our lines are standing by for your call! And now we bring you our movie, "Mutant Dishwashers from planet Jet Dry"!!!  
  
Paul: Cool!  
  
( Then, Law walks by and sees Paul, watching TV)  
  
Law: How many times must Law tell you? Get to work, or no pay for Nincompoop!  
  
Paul: Aww, boss...can't I have about ten more minutes?  
  
Law: Hmmm... Okay, ten more minutes, but after that, back to work!  
  
Paul: YAAY!!!!!  
  
TV: (Shows Marduk being hit on the head with a coconut...again.)  
  
Paul: Ha ha ha ha ..I like this show!  
  
(In the kitchen)  
  
Heihachi: (grumbling while doing the dishes) Fart head do this, Fart head do that...thinks he owns the dang place...what am I, his dish monkey? I'll show him who's the dish monkey...  
  
Lee: (Who's preparing the fried rice) Father, is there anything wrong?  
  
Heihachi: Yeah, Law and his bossiness are what's wrong!!! I hate it when I'm being ordered to do the dishes by some slave-driver!!!  
  
Lee: Don't worry about Mr. Law, he's just trying to tell you to do your best for this place. You do want the customers to be happy so they can tip you, right?  
  
Heihachi: You know what? You've inspired me to do something extraordinary!  
  
Lee: Really?  
  
Heihachi: Yeah!!! I'm gonna make the most amzing sculpture made of fried rice!!!  
  
Lee: O_O Wha...? Ur...father, I...  
  
Heihachi: You heard me, I'm gonna make the greatest fried rice sculpture ever! Guinness Book of World Records, here I come!  
  
Lee: O_O' ...  
  
Heihachi: It's gonna be BIG, I tell ya! Oh, Paul!!!!  
  
Paul: (pops his head in) Yeah, Heihachi?  
  
Heihachi: Get me 100 pounds of fried rice, stat!  
  
Paul: Okey-dokey, smokey!! (rushes over to the supply closet)  
  
Heihachi: We're gonna be rich, rich, RICH I tell ya!!!  
  
(half an hour later...)  
  
Heihachi: Well, I guess it's done now!  
  
Paul: Gravy!!  
  
Lee: (just standing there with his mouth gaping open) ...  
  
Heihachi: Speaking of which, all we need is to fill it with soy sauce, drag it out, and show it to everyone, and then we'll be millionaires!!!  
  
( Inside the restaurant )  
  
Law: Oh, ho! What are you M-boys up to this time?  
  
Heihachi: We want to show you something that's way out of the ordinary!  
  
Paul: With chestnuts!  
  
Heihachi: Just follow me right this way and you'll be in for a surprise!  
  
Lee: Are you sure about showing it to him?  
  
Heihachi: Of course! Law is an understanding fellow, like us!  
  
Paul: And potato chips!  
  
( Outside, in the park... we see a huge thing with a white tarp covered over it)  
  
Heihachi: Now... (unveils the "creation" ) feast your eyes on this!!!  
  
Paul: (on top of the "creation") Ta-da!!!  
  
( Law is now staring at a giant toilet made of fried rice with soy sauce filled in the bowl)  
  
Heihachi: Brilliant, huh? I know, I know, you're speechless with amazement...this is a really great masterpiece, and I'd be gawking at it all day long too!  
  
Lee: I don't think he's surprised in a good way...  
  
Heihachi: What do you mean? This is pure top A-1 quality!  
  
Law: WHAT IN THE NAME OF MOO GOO GAI PAN IS THIS CONTRAPTION!!!!!?  
  
Paul: (now stripped down to his briefs) Am I a nincompoop or what?  
  
Law: I deduct this from your pay...  
  
*SPLASH!!!!*  
  
(Paul just jumped into the soy sauce, splashing it all over Lee, Heihachi, and Law, who doesn't seem to be too happy about it.)  
  
Heihachi: (a little nervous) Heh heh heh, well, what do you think, Stretch? Do you wanna put it up for display?  
  
Law: (now P. O.'ed) Grr...M-BOYS!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heihachi: What!?  
  
Lee: I told you this wouldn't be a good idea...  
  
Heihachi: Oh, shut up...(turns to Law) you can't fire us, you know why? BECAUSE WE QUIT!!!!!!  
  
(So the three walk off from Marshall China into the streets)  
  
Heihachi: I can't believe it... All that money, gone!  
  
Lee: Well, maybe if you made your own restaurant, it would be a different story.  
  
Heihachi: That's it! I'm gonna open my own restaurant and get my own money, MY WAY!!!! (So, a few days, 20 Be-bop Colas, and 15 hours of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure later...)  
  
(We're at the town again, and Nina and Kuma are in there, too...)  
  
Nina: Ok, Kuma, all we need is air freshener and...( notices a new building in town) What on Earth is THAT!?  
  
Kuma: Oh my goodness! It's a new restaurant !!!!  
  
( The restaurant is called "The King of Iron Wok" , and on the billboard nearby it says, "guaranteed to please you, or I'll throw my son of a cliff, and not my adopted one, either!!!!")  
  
Kuma: Let's go in there, please!?  
  
Nina: Oh, Okay...  
  
(Inside...)  
  
Kuma: See, Nina? This place is really fancy!!!  
  
Nina: Yeah, a little too fancy...  
  
( Then we see one of the waiters, who is Noriaki Kakyoin)  
  
Kakyoin: Good evening, Madam and um...bear....., may I take your order please?  
  
Kuma: I'd like to have the Chaolan Sushi Special, please!  
  
Nina: And I want a Paul Malted, and don't skimp on the froth!  
  
Kakyoin: Will that be all?  
  
Nina: Yep.  
  
Kakyoin: Thank you. Your order will be ready shortly.  
  
(at another table, there is another waiter (who is Lee) who's having quite a time with his customer...)  
  
Lee: Hello there, sir. May I take your order?  
  
Yoshimitsu: Don't ask me! This was Blade's idea to come here! (points to his katana, which is in a separate seat)  
  
Lee: O_O' Urm...okay...  
  
Yoshi: (talking to Blade) Whad'ya mean a Paul Pheonix a la King for you, and a couple of breadsticks for the bald freak!?  
  
Lee: (who's walking to the kicthen door) Excuse me, but...  
  
Paul: (opens the door) Oh, no you don't!!! Too many chefs spoil the galoshes, Mr. Lee!!!  
  
Lee: Ur...okay, here. (hads Paul the orders)  
  
Paul: (reads the orders, then smiles) I will wake them up!!!! (slams the door)  
  
(Inside the kitchen, we see Paul, Little Bill, and a couple of Oompa- Loompas standing around)  
  
Paul: Okay, you all know the drill, right?  
  
Little Bill: We sure do!  
  
Paul: Okay, a-one, and a-two, and a-three, four ready GO! (turns on the radio)  
  
(And everyone in the kitchen is dancing to the theme song of "Waynehead")  
  
(A couple of minutes later, in the dining hall...)  
  
Nina: (who is apparently tired of waiting) ...THAT'S IT!!!! Come on, Kuma, we'll go home and eat!!!  
  
Heihachi: (who just blazed out of his office) Wait a minute! The food's gonna be ready by now!!!  
  
(Then, out of the kitchen, we see a big dish with a big lid, on wheels, scooting over to Yoshi and Blade's table)  
  
Lee: Wonderful presentation, Paul! I never knew you had it in you!!! (turns to Yoshi) Well, I hope you enjoy your meal! (takes off the lid) Bon Apet-  
  
Yoshi: (is shocked) O_O' AAGH!!! For cryin' out loud!!!  
  
Lee: PAUL!!! WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES ARE YOU DOING!!!!  
  
( Paul is on the dish, naked, complete with the trimmings and an apple in his mouth)  
  
Paul: ( pouring gravy on himself) Stuffing, anybody?  
  
Heihachi: PAUL!!! YOU STUPID EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!!! GET YOUR CLOTHES ON AND MAKE SOME DECENT MEALS FOR ONCE!!!!  
  
( Then all of a sudden, dun dun dun...THE HEALTH INSPECTOR comes in!!!!  
  
Health Inspector: Hello, I'm here to see if your place is fit for dining...  
  
Heihachi: Oh, sure!!! (quickly covers Paul with the dish lid) Heh heh heh... come on in!  
  
( Heihachi walks the health inspector in)  
  
Heihachi: Now, sit yourself down, and prepare to be blown away by our culinary expertise!!!  
  
Lee: (Sarcastically) Wow, I guess tutoring has really paid off, hasn't it...  
  
Heihachi: Now, what would our wonderful guest like to order?  
  
Inspector: Well, I would like a...  
  
Paul: (who seems to be speaking from the dish cover) Hey, I know that voice...hey, Heihachi!!!! Is that JoJo!?  
  
Heihachi: (whispering) Paul, keep your mouth shut...  
  
Paul: OMG!!! (flips off the dish lid) It's Jotaro Kujo, from "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure"!!!! (jumps off the dish and runs up to him) Hey JoJo!!! Can I get your autograph!?  
  
Jotaro: (notices Paul running towards him) Holy...  
  
Lee: Watch out! (tackles Jotaro out of the way of the "rabid fanboy")  
  
Jotaro: That is just disturbing...  
  
Little Bill: (pops out of the kitchen) That's not disturbing...(rips off his clothes) THIS is disturbing!!! (dances naked in front of Jotaro and the others)  
  
(A/N: Don't worry, they have censor bars, so you don't have to be "blinded by their earthly delights"...)  
  
Jotaro: I'm afraid this would come down to this...(sighs, then writes something on a sheet of paper) Well, I'm speechless..(puts an "F" on the restaurant)  
  
Heihachi: WHAAAATT!!! (gets really angry) Now you hold on a second, bucko! Do you know how long it took for us to get this restaurant up and running!?  
  
Jotaro: No, but I know what caused it to stop running...  
  
Heihachi: Why you little... (Charges after Jotaro and was about to punch him in the face, but amazingly, Jotaro blocks it) WHAT THE HECK!?  
  
Jotaro: You just don't learn, do you? (summons his stand Star Platinum)  
  
Lee: Looks like you're in trouble, dad...  
  
Paul: Holy Macaroni!  
  
Jotaro: Ora Ora Ora Ora!!!! ( Beats Heihachi to the walls using Blazing Fists)  
  
Heihachi: Grrmmmphh...  
  
(Jotaro walks out of the restaurant, leaving our three "entrepreneurs" Penniless, clueless, and just plain bruised, in Heihachi's case.)  
  
(At the hospital)  
  
(We see Heihachi in the hospital bed, with an arm and leg cast, and with a couple of other bandages)  
  
Lee: (who is serving tea) Well, what have we learned today?  
  
Heihachi: That we shouldn't insult health inspectors, because, (shifts eyes) they are freaky and are not from this world...  
  
Paul: And Heihachi is the man with the scam!!!!  
  
Heihachi: Oh shut up, Paul... (throws the tea tray at Paul's face)  
  
Scam analysis:  
  
Four-star Restaurant: ....Failed  
  
THE END...For now...  
  
Disclaimer: Heihachi and the gang belong to Tekken, Jotaro Kujo and Noriaki Kakyoin belong to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. I don't own either. Have a nice day. 


	4. Books, Coffee, and other shtuff

Paul, Lee, n' Hachi!

Part quatro!

A/N: Sorry I'm late…I was having doubts whether my WORD program is working right, with my A drive being retarded…anyhoos, here's my next chapter! Enjoy…

And now……DUH STORRIEEE!

Heihachi: PAUL! YOU RETARD!

Paul: What is it?

Heihachi: Come over here and you'll find out….(cracks an evil grin)

Paul: Ok. :)

Paul walks over to Heihachi, and then, Heihachi gives Paul a merciless butt-whooping!

Our story begins in the Mishima temp. home, where our three protagonists/antagonists are cooking up a plan to get back to the Zaibatsu…

Lee: So, what is it going to be this time?

Paul: Ooh, Ooh! Let's make a giant submarine sandwich, made of pizza! So we can all have a party!

Heihachi: And we can charge suckers to come see it!

Lee: Father, remember last time we had a party sort of like that?

Now we enter a flashback of the Mardi Gras party Heihachi threw in honor of himself…we see a big parade with Heihachi on one of the floats dressed up as a king, and he's waving at everyone, who are cheering, not because of Heihachi, but because they just love parades…

Heihachi: Isn't this great, Lee? We're getting the recognition we finally deserve!

Lee is also with Heihachi waving at everybody, only he's dressed in a flashy nobleman's suit and wearing a feathery aqua mask, with a rapier in one hand.

Lee: Oh, yes…(thinking) Although I do have my doubts about these parades…and dressing up too flamboyantly….

Paul is pulling the float, wearing a toga with a cheese hat…(Why he chose to wear this, I don't know…)

Paul: Hail Heihachi! Vote for him in the KOIFT6!

Paul then starts handing out pamphlets to everyone, then all of a sudden, something catches his eye in back of him….

Paul: BEEERR!

Heihachi: What the-

Before Heihachi says anymore, Paul turns the whole float around, and starts heading towards the giant beer mug…crashing into several civillians in the process!

Kid: Mommy what's that?

Mom: Jimmy watch out! (runs and guides him out of the way)

CRASH!

So Paul stops up the parade, everyone is screaming, and Heihachi isn't really pleased….

Paul: (drunkenly drinking out of the giant beer mug) All for Paul! Beer for Paul!

Lee: Look at this mess…

Heihachi: PAUL, YOU FRICKIN' NUMBSKULL! I OUGHTTA KNOCK YER BLOCK OFF!

And that's the end of the flashback….

Lee: And we still haven't paid off that debt for city damage….

Heihachi: So what do you suggest, Captain Not-so-Obvious?

Lee: Well, maybe we can each write books, you know, some people get rich by doing that...who knows, maybe you'll get famous as well!

Heihachi starts looking at his foster son strangely, then starts to break out lin a fit of laughs…

Heihachi: AHHAHAHAHA! Book writing? That's a first! A ha hah ha…yo Paul! Ya hear that!

Paul: Pfffttt….A HA HA HA HA HA! Boy that's some comedy there, bucko!

Paul and Heihachi were laughing their arses off, leaving Lee very pissed…

Lee: Well, it's true! You don't believe me, then fine! But maybe you should try it out before you jump to any conclusions…(smiles)

Heihachi: (trying to stop his laughter) Ha ha ha..ah…boy, ok, we'll try your idea….c'mon Paul…

Paul: Ha ha ha ha ha…uh….I forgot what we were doing!

Heihachi: Show's over, pal…

He then grabs Paul by the ear, leading him to the Operation: Paper-back bust…

LATER ON…..

Now the scene is at the Study room, where the trio are brainstorming on what to write about….

Heihachi: Well, I'm stumped! Let's go make some coffee!

Lee: Agreed…I am feeling sort of tired…

Paul: Ooh! I have an idea for a story! It's about a guy named Spongebob, and he wants to join the circus! But, then he gets kidnapped by a group of toilet-worshipping mechanical hippie parrots!

Heihachi: I have a better idea for a scam! We make our homestyle brewed coffee, and sell it to everybody!

Lee: But what about the-

Heihachi: We can write books later, now we need to make some coffee! Paul, go get the beans!

Paul: Already ahead of you, pal!

Paul starts holding up a can of baked beans, which he got from the pantry..

Heihachi: (smacks his forehead) Not those kind of beans, you numbnuts…I meant the coffee beans!

Paul: Oh..

Lee: And yet another bizarre adventure awaits us…sigh (grabs a barf bag)

So a couple hours, 20 bags of peanuts, and a whole duration of motion sickness later…they arrive at Colombia to get some beans…

Lee: …Paul, I told you to use the barf bag I brought for your sick spells!

Paul: No way, Lee, I'm a man! I don't need no barf bag…(starts feeling queasy) Oh boy…

As Paul starts running to a random place to throw up, Heihachi comes back from some town with the bag of coffee beans..

Heihachi: Ok, I got the goods, we can go now…

But then they get stalked by a tribe of Spongebob doodles, known as Doodlebobs!

Doodlebob leader: Goyoyoimbing iyaiaiowwaaahhh!

Lee: Um…what's he saying?

Heihachi: Who cares! Let's get out of here!

Paul: Ain't you a bunch of cuteness in a barrel! Come 'ere, give ol' Uncle Paul a great big - THHWACK!

The doodlebob hit Paul on his head with a spear that it was carrying, knocking him out in a stupor..

Paul: (Dizzy) …Oh, yeah…that's my boy….(falls over on his face)

So the three start retreating from the psycho pencil scribbles and then went back on the cheap plane that they got here in, and they eventually made it back to wherever they were sent from in the first place…

So, back at their temp. house…

Heihachi: Oh, yeah, it's FINISHED! Let's celebrate by sampling our own concoction!

Lee: Uh…no thanks, I think I'll pass.

Heihachi: Come on, don't be such a spoil sport! Give it a try! (offers Lee a cup)

Lee: Listen, I only drink decaf, because you see, I have sort of a bad history drinking caffienated beverages…

Heihachi: Aww, you're just scared…it's just coffee! Give it a shot!

Lee: But Daaaad….

Heihachi; Oh I see…yo Paul!

Paul starts walking over to Lee with a pot of the caffienated concoction…

Paul: (Smiling) Now open wide and say Bob, Lee!

Lee: (backing away)…Not if it was the last edible substance on our planet!

But before Lee could try to do anything else, Paul steps on his foot, making him yell, and then force-feeds Lee the coffee…leaving him in a daze at first…

Heihachi: See, what'd I tell you?

Lee: …….

Paul: Uh…is he okay?

Then, all of a sudden, Lee starts having some convulsions, and then springs out into action, jazzed up on the java…

Lee: Coffee? Gimme the coffee! I needitnow!

He then swipes the coffee pot from Paul and then proceeds to gulp down the rest of Heihachi's "homemade brew"

Heihachi: O.o…Whoa, easy there, tiger…

Lee: (grabs Heihachi by the shoulders) DoyouhavecoffeeIneedcoffee, Ineeditsodangmuchitain'tfunny, soyougotanymore?

Heihachi: Uh…Ok, can you repeat what you just said, only a bit slower, so I can understand you!

Lee:….twitch I….WANT …COFFEE…NOW!

Heihachi: Dayyam… Maybe you were right….I probably shouldn't have made you drink it if THIS were to happen…

Lee: WHAT? NO, COFFEEGOODFORME,YOUBADCUZYOU'REAPARTYPOOPER!(drops Heihachi)

Heihachi: You see, this is why I don't know you anymore…

Lee: Wellll…I guess you areright about that, soI'lljustbeonmywaytoanothercoffeeshopandgetanotherespressosoIcangoonwithmywork,soletmegetmycarandI'llbeallset, RADICAL GODSPEED, BEETCHES!

With that, the Silver speed demon blasted off in his Honda, soon to terrorize the local Starbucks and and other coffeehouses…leaving Heihachi and Paul to save the day, if they don't mess up first…

Heihachi: Okay, Paul, we need to stop Speed Racer over there by luring him here to our formulated Mishima Coffeehouse! When he drives here…

Paul: That's when it's Hammer Time! (holds up a mallet)

Heihachi then snatches the mallet from Paul and then whacks him with it

Heihachi: NO, Mr. Happy! We use sedative in the coffee, and when Lee drinks it, he'll black out, then be normal again so we can carry out our scam!

And so, the Dipstick Duo began the preparation of lacing the coffee to knock out the genius on crack…and so one hour, 10 bags of beans, and 20 minutes of Doodlebob insanity later, Lee stops by …

Lee: Oh, my…twitch what a nice little house, I think I shall sample their wares!

Heihachi: Hey, Straight Cougar! Do you want a free drink?

Lee: Oh,my, coffeeforme,wellyoushouldn'thave,youol'dog,you!

Lee then drinks a little bit, then spits it out in disgust because it tasted funny..then he starts rolling on the floor gasping for air…

Lee: AGGHHH! IT'S EVIL! EVIL EVIL EVIL! IT BURNS US ALL!

Paul: And so, having thwarted the evil, I, Super Paul have saved the day!

And So, Super-Paul flies off to fight crime, and make the city a better place…..

THE END!

Back to reality….

Lee: Well, Paul …..your story is a bit out of the ordinary to say the least…

Paul: So you like it?

Heihachi: PAUL, YOUR STORY STINKS! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WROTE BOOKS INSTEAD OF SOMETHING COOL LIKE REAL ESTATE!

Lee: Father, maybe we should leave story writing as a pasttime, since you're not too happy with it…

Paul: My friend is a talking coconut who lives on an island!

Lee: O.O…So, who's up for something else, like bodyguards?

Heihachi: Well, okay, but I don't wanna hear another one of Dr. Stooge's stories!

Bookwriting

Scam analysis……..on permanent haitus

I don't own Tekken, or anything else in this story…I told you I'd get this in there, I am soo sorry if it took so long…I was still worried I couldn't upload any more fics….just don't flame, ok? Thank you for your time…


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